This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the decisions I’ve made over my many years. I am sure others can relate, some have been good, bad, down right stupid and some super ugly but at the end of the day I do not regret any of them. They have brought me to my knees so I’d wake up and pay attention, taught me things and made me the woman I am today. As I reflect on all of the decisions there was one that pivotally changed my trajectory forever. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I walked into my moms bedroom where she was laying in front of the fan drying her hair..All I could think initially was what I am about to say will not make her proud, I’ve not made myself proud…I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to know what it was like to not take care of someone, to be out on my own- be free do whatever I want. As I stood there for what felt like forever I found the courage to tell my mom that her 17 year old daughter was going to go down to agape to get a pregnancy test. I was going with my sisters friend who also thought she was. Well turns out that my sisters friend was not but I was. I remember them telling me and I remember these huge tears streaming down my face. I thought how am I going to take care of this precious thing I can barely take care of myself (I was a bit of a wild child when I was younger). None the less I made the decision to keep the baby, from that day forward I did my best to turn my life around and along the way through the bumps and boulders in my way..I knew it was no longer about me but how I could give him the life he needed/deserved and that it had to be better than mine. I remember the streams of tears my mom had when I told her. I also remember her loving ways when she looked at me and said I support whatever decision you make. I love you! She was truly an amazing woman and I so miss her loving ways and support. I took a lot of ridicule from family, friends and even strangers, I met some very loving people along the way, I lost friends, gained friends and at times felt very alone. Tyler, my son saved me in so many ways he’s probably never realized. I can only hope I held my promise of offering him a better life than mine.
Anyhow I could go on and on but my reason for sharing this is I really want those young moms feeling alone in the world to know they are not. You are stronger than you think, never be ashamed of your decision, you are loved and you can do hard things but most importantly you are not alone and you can make a very beautiful life for yourself, just like I have! Fight for it, stay strong- it won’t be easy or as some say sunshine and roses, but if you want a beautiful life you can have it, don’t give up on your dreams.
Thank you to my brave friend who will remain anonymous but was my inspiration for writing this today.